One of my greater fears was obesity. Not because of a social hang-up, but because I feared I’d never look like me again. It always felt irreversible to me. My son took this snap of me being a jackass and I saw for the first time I am beginning to look like me. I can’t begin to express how I never imagined I would look this way again. Certainly not last year at this very time of year.
The snap above is hardly flattering. I’ve been cleaning and cooking and my hair has not seen a hairbrush all day. My eyes are closed, my mouth is gaping, and it is just a horrible angle! But even so, it is the first time I realised this is paying off for real. I learned in this process I can never stop. I will always have to work out to maintain my body and eat better (that one is still pretty hard for me). I am not sucking my tum in – I am in awe this is me.
People who haven’t been transformed by some tragic event and ended up obese cannot begin to understand what this means. I am not a ‘fattist’. In fact, this journey has let me see life from another point of view. Just because weight doesn’t mean a thing to me in others, this is not true for most of the world. I was suddenly invisible. I was overlooked at bars when buying drinks. I was spoken about, pointed at. People were shocked and felt it was okay to tell me how fat I had gotten. For my height and weight, I wasn’t even that big. At my largest, I was barely fitting into size 16 US clothes, but I didn’t go beyond that. I am actually aghast at how the fattest country in the world can be so mean to those with a larger figure.
My goal now is to lose about another 15 pounds or so and tone up. I want a six-pack despite downing the odd six-pack because I love my beer. I want to become a Zumba instructor, run marathons and enjoy hikes. I want to look good naked. These were all in my to-do list of life, but way out in the someday pile. I am so glad I managed this. Yay!