7-70-7

This is my last ‘braggy’ post about my weight-loss. I have come where I needed and anything beyond this is not worth noting publicly. I only ever began writing about it because I understand how desperately difficult it is to lose oneself entirely. Regaining how one looks is the sweetest victory. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see a person I recognise in the mirror after everything going wrong two years ago. I have lost 70 lb. in seven months and fit into clothes sized 7/8. I never thought I would be here again, and certainly not this time last year.

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Shelved?

Dating sucks. I mean, it is the worst thing I can imagine voluntarily engaging in. I’m even supposed to revel in it. So much expense, time, dead ends. I don’t know how I came to be almost 32, twice married and dated at all in the interim. My heart is a little soft egg and I say what I mean, which is exactly the opposite of what I’m supposed to go into this with. I signed up with Guardian Soulmates and have not checked it once.

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Nine blessings

This morning at Zumba, I came across an article about living healthily. Counting one’s blessings came up and I was inspired. It noted, quite rightly, most of us berate ourselves and others, nitpicking what is wrong and seldom thinking about what is good. I did a ‘real age’ quiz in which my financial/marital strife raises my age considerably. I wanted to protest because I look for silver linings in everything, no matter how bad it gets. The point is, I will list 9 things that make happy in a few categories. I love lists!

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Hours that shine

Grey Gardens.  I hadn’t seen this film since I was a child, and while I found it interesting and charming, it didn’t inject the fear of God in me until today.  I have feared this is it and the best is now firmly behind me.  What’s worse – their life doesn’t seem so far removed from what my future may hold.  I’m petrified.greygarden061106_560

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The greatest feat is a work in progress

One of my greater fears was obesity. Not because of a social hang-up, but because I feared I’d never look like me again.  It always felt irreversible to me. My son took this snap of me being a jackass and I saw for the first time I am beginning to look like me.  I can’t begin to express how I never imagined I would look this way again.  Certainly not last year at this very time of year.

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Let me love me

I am learning to love myself.  For someone who was blessed with the power to be empathetic, I can’t seem to turn that light inward.  So I have to nerd it up and research something that is seemingly innate for most.

How do I learn to love myself?

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Undercover

Some days are just crap.  Some days I have tendon pain and I have to force myself out to work out when I am not even sure that’s appropriate.  Some days I feel scared, awkward and lonely.  I berate myself because I’m too long in the tooth to have these teenage moments.  I hate to think I will always have these questions; these “what the f*** am I doing?” fragments woven into my life.  But today is such a day.

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Angry boy

Posting about this is long overdue.  My son is a typical teenage boy under some atypical circumstances.  He was thrust into high school a year above other kids his own age.  He does very well and is involved in school.  There are days I feel he hates me.  Thanks to the advent of the Internet, I learned he is just like everyone else.  How can someone a mere 16 years older than he forget what it was like?

CalvinTeen

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2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,400 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 7 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Do you know *****?

Facebook recently suggested I friend He-Man, my ex.  I clicked on his page, unavailable in full mode to non-friend prying eyes such as mine.  It struck a chord when Facebook asked if I know him and if so, I could message him.  As the song goes, he’s just somebody that I used to know.

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